This experience with the holder got me thinking about the emotional, spiritual and/or psychological crud we tend to hold on to. We might walk around with a certain perception of reality that’s not always rooted in ideas that actually serve us or others. So I invite you to contemplate: What thoughts, beliefs and actions do you hold on to that really needs some major upchucking into the trash? What mindset can you exorcise in order to enact an uplifting mindshift? What would the new perspective be?
Here’s an example of this process from something I went through this week. Sometimes I develop anxiety surrounding pending social situations where there will be a lot of people I don’t know. When I backtrack to the source of the anxiousness, I uncover the faulty thoughts “I just won’t fit in. People won’t like me. I won’t know what to say. Might as well stay home.” Ding ding ding! We’ve found the toothpaste crud. Clearly these thoughts don’t serve me because what I actually want for my life is to have thriving delicious friendships and relationships with all kinds of people. This mindset needed some exorcising as I had an event scheduled last night and the anxiety was resurfacing on Wednesday. I had even seriously contemplated skipping the event. But I didn’t. I went and I had a blast!!
What changed? How was my anxiety transformed into the manifestation of a fantastic experience? First, I reached out to a friend about it. I didn’t keep it all bottled in. I briefly told her what was going on and she provided some ridiculously awesome feedback. She shared what has worked for her, which I’ll pass on to you in 3 simple steps:
- Accept without judgment nor engagement. I decided to just accept that my thoughts were racing and that frack yeah I was anxious. At the heart of the matter, I wanted to make a good impression and I wanted to connect genuinely with people. That’s what was beneath the anxiety. And this pure desire was masked by the fear of falling flat on my face. So I opted to see what was there, not resist the voices nor get too wrapped up in them either. It’s like the dude who’s whacking weeds at 6am when you’re trying to sleep in on Saturday morning. The more you fan the flames of judging his profession and engaging with the battle in your head, the more angry you get and the less likely you are to fall back asleep. But, if you just notice the noise, accept that dude’s gotta work and let the voices do their thing without engaging in the mental conversation, the noise falls away bit by bit and before you know it, you’re back to sleep or you’re significantly calmer.
- Turn the fear into a faith-based statement. This one rocked my world. So one of the fears I shared with this gal pal was the fear of not feeling comfortable in my skin around all those people I don’t know. So she flipped the switch and asked me to try this on for size: “I have faith that I will be comfortable in my skin. I have faith that people will like me. I have faith that I will fit in. I have faith that I will know what to say.” I repeated these statements out loud and felt an energetic release. I believe that what was actually being dislodged was some of the anxiety I’d been harboring.
- Connect with something deeper and bigger the fears. Before heading into social town, I sat in my car and just breathed. I breathed, prayed and connected with the stillness and the silence. I connected with the void from which all creation sprang, with the source that I know is readily available at any time if I stop the mind chatter long enough to just be. Then it was time to rock and roll. I still walked in there nervous, but I was easy about it. I said to myself “Que sera sera” and ultimately left all expectations at the door. From this space of acceptance and just being, I was open enough to be social, fully present to those in front of me and I had a G R E A T time.
Here’s the thing - how many of us keep barging forward through life without taking the time to do the inner work, to acknowledge and dissect why we feel and act so janky around certain situations or people? Where are we living with crud that is begging to be trashed and replaced with delicious cream frosting?
It’s sometimes a challenging discipline to initate mindshifts on a consistent basis, but a worthy one nevertheless that may be the difference between never going to the party and being the life of it.
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