So choose the ones that flow
Exercise your choice to use your voice:
Declare life is as sweet as gateau
In the episode When someone else has what you want I discussed how we sometimes react detrimentally to visual reminders of the life we envision, but don’t yet have. We sometimes go into states of despair, wondering what’s wrong with us that we’re not experiencing our desire(s) yet. I then talked about mindshifting the visual reminders into a pleasant little game instead. Read that article here.
There’s more I’d like to say on the topic, namely the universe is not singling us out.
Isn’t it humorous how the mind/ego exaggerates isolated experiences while telling us we’re terminally unique? We may see a couple strolling down the street hand in hand and a split second later the mind is saying everyone else is in a relationship so why are we the only ones experiencing longing. We see one person or a handful of people posting about their travel excursions on Facebook and we think everyone’s globetrotting but me. If we’re not vigilant with our thoughts, we soon find ourselves flailing down a confining rabbit hole that leads to isolated caves of our own making.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
First, a whole lot of people experience the same things we do.
- I was a late bloomer in the romance department and didn’t have my first boyfriend until after high school. I used to think I was a freak. But then I got vulnerable enough to start talking about it and soon came to realize that a) I was not the only late bloomer in the world; and b) of those that weren’t late bloomers, many didn’t have as many relationships as I thought they would have had.
- Recently, I’ve been coming across quite a few women going through a two-year itch in their work lives. They want out of their current positions but don’t yet know what’s next. These women expressed how isolating the process can feel and that when they opened their mouths and started talking about this part of their journey, they realized how many others are experiencing the same thing.
Second, just because someone is living an experience we desire does not mean his/her life is full of peaches, cream, fairies and cherry blossoms. Everyone’s dealing with something.
- That couple holding hands down the street? Who knows what relationship challenges they face. Heck, they might not even officially be together. Maybe they each have lackluster marriages they don’t know how to get out of and are sneaking away cross town to be with each other. You never know.
- How many times has a friend or stranger revealed a personal struggle that surprised you? When you found out you couldn’t believe it because things looked so good from the outside. This happened to me twice recently with different colleagues. I thought these two women had it made. They had reached levels I aspire to. But as we got to know each other, they revealed struggles I wouldn’t want. I had no idea and would’ve never guessed they were going through these things. It then led me to be incredibly thankful for my own challenges because I would not want to trade my bronze statuettes for their golds if it meant I’d also have to take ownership of their bronzes. (Sidenote: you might want to take a look at how you’re defining success if you find yourself feeling blah-zee blah about your accomplishments in comparison to others. I wrote an article about that too here.)
If I had to sum up this episode into a mindset --> mindshift, it would be:
Mindset: Everyone’s got it made, but me.
Mindshift: Greener grass does not exist. I am thankful for what I’ve got. No need to walk around with clenched fist. I choose edifying food for thought.
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