A few days ago I had the privilege and honor to present Mindset 2 Mindshift at the YWCA annual staff health and wellness meeting here in Los Angeles. I connected with many fierce divas at the meeting. While talking about living our dreams and setting goals, one of them asked me a question that I said I’d address on the weekly episode. So here it is.
Grace writes: How do I identify trusted people to help support my priorities and goals in life?
Thanks for your question Grace! Building a community of support through masterminding and accountability is one of the 7 steps I outline in my audio program No More Excuses: How to Turn Your Passion from Make-Believe to Real. If I had to boil down my answer to one word, it would be INTUITION. Trust yourself in order to know who to trust. Specifically, trust the signals your body gives you. Pay attention to the sensations that arise when you interact with certain people.
I love Zen DeBrucke’s teachings on the Internal Guidance System. When I tap in to the area between my chest (heart center) and navel (solar plexus) and pay attention to the physical sensations that occur in these regions, I will know which path to take. A yes answer can be identified by a physical sensation of openness, ease and expansion. A negative answer can be identified through tension or a physical sensation of closing up.
Don’t be surprised if a sense of expansion is accompanied by a mind that directs you to do the opposite. Or if a sense of tension is accompanied by a mind that tries to reason you into a yes. I’ve ignored my body’s wisdom many times because of the contrary mind. These days, I regularly defer to my body. I defer to my intuition.
Last month an opportunity arose for me to perform in a couple dance numbers for an annual showcase at one of my favorite studios in L.A. My initial reaction: excitement, thrill and big-time expansion in my heart and solar plexus. I was still excited even after finding out about the inconvenient rehearsal schedules, inconvenient because I also work a full time job.
This was a case where my mind was not in agreement with my body. My mind didn’t think saying yes to performing in this showcase was practical. It said, “You’ve got to work and get enough sleep. How will you ever make this happen? It’s best to say no.” I shared my concerns with people I trust and ended up talking my mind into agreeing with my body. Was it easy working my job, fulfilling my other responsibilities, having a social life, doing my self-care and showing up for rehearsals? Absolutely not. But was it worth it? Hell yes. I grew in ways I couldn’t have foreseen. I developed new relationships with really good people. Overall, it was a healthy challenge in one of my passion-and-play areas and I’m glad I listened to my body.
When it comes to people, it works the same way. I met a new colleague at an event two months ago and we hit it off immediately. There was something about her that I intuitively knew I could trust. I didn’t know her from Eve, but I felt an openness and expansive feeling in my heart, throat and solar plexus regions when I was engaged with her.
About a month later, I called her and requested guidance in preparing for an important event. She was gracious with her time and brainstormed spectacular ideas with me. As a result of the insight received during that session, I was able to show up to my event with confidence, grace and poise.
Now on to another friend I’ve known much longer than my new friend. About two years ago, I stopped feeling great around her. Something about our interactions was off. When I paid attention to my body’s signals I realized that on multiple occasions I felt disjointed and uneasy. It became very clear to me that we couldn’t be for each other what we used to be. She could no longer be in my inner circle like she used to. It no longer felt aligned to share my aspirations, goals and priorities with her in the way I once had. Gradually I let the former deep ‘n involved nature of our relationship fizzle. And it’s ok. I’ve made peace with it.
People come and they go. They inhabit different spokes on the relationship wheel. As Buddhism teaches, life is fluid. Everything is in transition. From the cells in our intestines to the cycles of the moons and tides. Human relationships are not exempt from change. By first giving myself permission to be free of certain people, even if they’ve been in my life for a long time, I make space for those people who can best support me and who I can, in turn, vibrantly support as well. Life’s too valuable to be muscling through relationships out of a sense of obligation.
If I had to sum up this episode into a mindset/mindshift, it would be:
Mindset: I don’t know whom to trust.
Mindshift: I trust my body’s innate wisdom to guide me to the trusted people.
Now go forth and create your spectacular inner circle.
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