If you've been through a wreck, then you know how it can just turn your day/week/month upside down and inside out. All of a sudden my days were consumed by phone calls and visits to doctors (I'm physically doing just fine by the way, thank God!), insurance company, repair shop, rental car company, credit union, car dealerships, etc.
The insurance company told me the car was a total loss four days after the accident. Amongst the flurry of other items on the to-do list, I needed to spring into action to deal with getting a new car within the small window the insurance company allotted for rental vehicle.
Before this accident, I was not in the market for a new car and had never purchased a car on my own before. Being first time at this, my fears about being swindled by sharky salesmen and fears around choosing the right car rose to the surface.
I had so many questions and thoughts around this incident:
- I was just minding my own business traveling a path I've gone down before, so why did this happen?
- I don't have time to deal with this. Are you kidding me?!
Today I’m on the other side of this ordeal. I have my new car. I'm dancing again and I feel confident in my car shopping abilities.I can speak about the accident from an empowered place. I've come up with 8 tips to help you gracefully deal with those knock-you-right-on-your-butt incidents that happen in this adventure called life. The tips are in no particular order.
1. Allow yourself to feel the raw emotions that emerge - without judgment. I experienced shock, astonishment, grief, anger, confusion, sadness, gratitude, compassion, joy and excitement- all within a short period of time. Human beings are meant to feel a range of emotions so just let them be. They always pass.
2. Accept what is. It happened. Yes, sometimes we want to replay the tape in our minds to try and see how we could've avoided the thing from happening. Where was it our fault? What could we have done differently? That can be helpful - to a point. Play those tapes too often and you might find yourself in a paralyzed pity party of one. Accept that what happened happened and continue to take forward steps to deal with what you have to.
3. Reach out. I called my family and close circle of peeps. I shared my feelings and emotions. I asked for help around the car shopping experience. And boy did I receive an ABUNDANCE of support. Growing up I was extraordinarily self-sustaining and didn't really ask for much help, but as I've grown older and have stepped deeper into my feminine, I allow myself to receive by asking for what I need and want.
4. Receive the help that arrives. At the scene of the accident a number of people (angels in disguise!) flocked to me.
- A fellow driver came to my window as I sat stunned in my badly bruised car. He declared, "I saw the accident. It's not your fault. Take my number. I'll be your witness." I accepted his help and my insurance company was able to schedule an interview to record his statement.
- Another driver said that he and his friend would be at my disposal however I needed. Even if it was just to stay with me until a ride showed up. I accepted his help. They stayed with me for 45 minutes.
- My coworker came out and stayed with me for 5 hours - from accident site waiting for the tow to auto body shop to back to work to get the rest of my things to the ER to the pharmacy for pain meds. I let him help.
- Coworkers offered to come with me to dealerships and to borrow their car if I needed one beyond the rental. I said thank you.
- A Facebook friend told me about car buying services many credit unions offer. This was news to me. I found out my bank did not offer this service and didn’t even offer car loans. So within 45 minutes I found a credit union, opened an account and eventually ended up getting my new through this brokerage service.
Catch my drift?
5. Gratitude. One of the quickest ways to kick self-pity to the curb is to start pitching appreciation. And I had so many. Recall your items of appreciation often.
6. Balance taking the necessary actions with SELF-CARE. I took myself to a double feature at the movies two days after the accident and saw another movie a week after that. I stayed in the company of supportive people. The accident happened on a Friday so I canceled most weekend plans and just allowed myself to stay in and rest. I released myself from all responsibilities. I restored and rebalanced. Take extraordinarily good care of yourself through kind self-talk and kind loving actions: mani pedi, massage. You get it.
7. Ask different questions or say different things. Because of the shock, I asked a whole lot of "why me" questions and pondered "if only" statements. Going back to point #2, there came a time when I had to ask a different set of questions and tell myself a different set of mantras. For example, I reminded myself that everything happens for me, not to me. This moves me from a state of victimhood to a state of power and cooperation with the universe.
8. Connect with your Higher Self. Pray. Meditate. Bask in nature. I did all of the above to keep me tethered to serenity and faith. I took a few hikes days following the accident to re-center and gain perspective. There's nothing like looking at the city from a birds' eye view to instill a sense of It's all going to be okay. If you're atheist or agnostic, don't worry about the divine talk. What can you do to cultivate peace and perspective? That's the point.
Shit happens and that's when shift can happen. Be conscious and super present throughout the process. Every experience carries multiple blessings. Be open to receiving them.
If people in your life are experiencing some ish right now, consider sending this episode to them.
-----
Join the Mindset 2 Mindshift tribe and receive my audio program No More Excuses: How to Turn Your Passion from Make-Believe to Real.