You can always listen to this week's episode, just below.
Once you realize you have a resentment, how do you release it and regain your power? The simple answer is let people and situations off the hook for not meeting your expectations. Easier said than done, I know.
I’m sure there are countless methods for dealing with resentments. Here are a few steps that work for me, which are a combination of different processes I’ve done over the years:
1) Feel the resentment. Then breathe into it. First, let’s physically or visually get in touch with the resentment. What is the feeling behind it? Are you angry, sad, furious, disappointed? Where does this resentment/feeling reside in your body? Close your eyes and feel around for it. As mentioned in my last post, I felt tightness in my chest and churning in my stomach. While you're at it, can you visualize the resentment? No worries if you can’t, but can you? Another time I pictured a resentment as this amorphous black mist chillin’ in front of me. Now breathe into that part of your body where the resentment lives without any judgment. Try not to feed into the story behind the resentment either. Just breathe into it.
2) What’s your expectation here? Uncover and acknowledge what you expected. I prefer to do this through writing, but speaking aloud, like into a voice recorder, can work too.
E.g. I’m pissed at Kyle because I expected him to call me if he was going to cancel instead of bailing on our study date. Actually, I expected him to keep his commitment, period.
3) What does it mean that (insert person’s name) did or didn’t do (insert behavior)? What meaning are you attributing to the behavior? Nine times out of ten I have no clue why people do the things they do; however, the mind generally doesn’t like uncertainty, so it will create a story (often a dramatic one) to give some sense of perceived closure. E.g. Kyle’s not showing up means that he doesn’t care about me or respect me. I must mean nothing to Kyle. This especially hurts because I have a bit of a crush on him. Try and get real honest and acknowledge the vulnerability with this one. The more I can boil it down to the truest reason why I was affected, i.e. hurt, by the other person’s behavior or outcome of a situation, the deeper my release will be from the clutches of the resentment.
This concludes part 2. I’ve got two more steps in this 5-step process to help you release resentments and regain your power. Check out part 3 HERE.
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