I was so miffed I couldn’t get back to sleep. Because I don’t like thinking egregiously about anyone or anything, I found myself wanting to make the anger go away. I found myself thinking that I shouldn’t be having such irksome thoughts about this person, about anyone. Then I remembered how I’ve handled un-pleasantries like this in the past.
We’re taught not to get too close to hot flames. But, what about emotional fires? Move towards them or stay away? That is the question. Sometimes red-hot states like anger won’t budge until we act contrary to perceived common sense: Embrace the thing in order to move it.
THE ANTIDOTE
5:00 A.M.
1) Following a particularly ornery night of sleep a few weeks ago, I woke up at 4am feeling angry…I sunk in to the rage and allowed it to just be. I allowed myself to feel every bit of it, sans judgment. Sans trying to shoo it away. Not comfortable, but very necessary.
2) I put pen to journal and wrote about it. I expressed the emotions until there was nothing left. I wrote about what I wanted to do to this person. I let the demons out of their mirky cave and allowed them to rip and roar through my pen onto the terrain of the page.
I felt better, but I still wasn’t able to get back to sleep. I decided it was as good a time as ever to get on with the business of my daily morning practice, which consists of prayer, meditation and reading from inspirational text.
3) Guess who was right on top of my prayer list? Yep yep, the offender. How’s that for contrary behavior?
I’m currently studying A Course in Miracles (ACIM) and that day’s lesson included 5 ideas, all of which I applied to the person I was having issue with.
4) Applying these uplifting and practical perspectives to the thorny personality was
transformative. By the end of this ACIM lesson I was determined to see this person differently and to have an evolved experience the next time we interacted.
6:15 A.M.
I finally got back to sleep.
7:30 A.M.
Alarm’s off. Time to get ready for work. I set the intention to continually pray for the happiness of the difficult person throughout the day. We ended up exchanging texts and speaking on the phone an hour and a half later. The interaction turned out to be an evolved encounter, although it didn’t start out that way. This could not have happened if I had not let myself feel what I felt, express it and then bring some light into the matter by applying sound uplifting principles to the situation and to the person.
I imagine that if I had tried to shove all the anger down and force myself back to sleep:
a) I would not have gotten any sleep.
b) I would have probably blown up at this person later on. The fire has to come out some
way, after all. Energy’s got to go somewhere, has got to be expressed.
The jury’s still out whether I’ll like this person again or if this person will remain a part of my life. But that doesn’t matter for now. What does matter is that I was able to deal with my emotions healthily and comport myself with dignity and self-respect. Fire does not have to be met with fire. But it does have to be dealt with. How we deal with it is entirely our choice.
To sum it up…
Mindset: I shouldn't feel or think this way. This should move now!
Mindshift: Feelings and emotions don’t have timetables. I embrace what’s up first then I'll naturally move through it. All in perfect timing.
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If you liked this post, you might also dig my Releasing Resentments.
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